The Journey Begins

There’s something unbelievably satisfying about creating an anonymous blog. The fact that i don’t have to filter myself, i can write from the heart about exactly what i’m thinking or feeling and not feel guilty, silly, embarrassed or ashamed. I get to just be me. Which is why i originally wanted to blog in the first place. For somewhere to be completely honest and get my thoughts and feelings down on paper, or screen. I’ve finally taken the plunge, here’s to anonymity. I will be sharing everything from day to day life, the struggles of being a parent and you may even get to delve into my deepest, darkest secrets, who knows? no one.

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Writers Block.

I started writing my very first book last night, I’ve decided on a thriller book and at the moment I’m pretty excited about the prospect of publishing my book, I haven’t been able to stop writing.

I know at some stage I’m going to end up with the famous writer’s block and I’m hoping to have some strategies in place for when that day comes. Are there any ways in particular that you get out of the writer’s rut?

Authors Wanted!!

I’m finally going to take the plunge, I’m going to start writing a book. I’ve been desperate to write a book for years but lately, there’s this overwhelming urge, I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been reading a LOT this month but I’m determined to do it. I attempted writing a book about 6 months ago but I got so lost in what I was writing it became so boring and flat, not really worth the read.

You see my problem is I’m unsure on which genre would be best to write about. Romance? Thriller? Fantasy? I love all manner of books. Which really doesn’t help. Also how the hell do you go about publishing a book? I would really appreciate some help from an author to an aspiring author please help me out.

A little food for thought.

In this day and age we are so quick to judge and comment on other peoples parenting. Why does it matter what other people do? We are so focused on what other people are doing that we often “forget” to parent the way we want to. Why do we get so wrapped up in other peoples lives? As much as i love social media for the obvious reasons it’s such a burden at times. On family life, on your self confidence and on relationships. So if we know how soul destroying it is why do we still keep scrolling? Why do we sit there doing quizzes on what we would look like if we were a man/woman instead of playing with our kids. We sit there and say hang on baby, one second mammy/daddy’s busy. Why is it so important? our kids wont be young for long, they will grow so fast and we will regret being “too busy”.

Careers. Pills and Shitty nappies.

Isn’t it funny how some children grow up knowing exactly what the want to do with their life so early on. Then they go through school get the grades they need, go to college or university and then bam into a job they love. Dream career. I never had that motivation, that direction. Of course growing up like most children, I had dreams of becoming an artist, a fashion designer, a chef and god knows what else. Now I know what it’s like to work in a kitchen a chef is the last job I’d want and as for a fashion designer or artist, you have to be able to draw. So that’s out the window. As I grew up I wanted to be a care worker or work with young children in a nursery but again that hasn’t happened, I’ve heard so many stories about the physical and emotional battles you go through as a care worker, which if I’m honest I don’t think I’m strong enough for. I take my hat off to anyone who works in that line of work. Working with children was always an option until I had children of my own and as much as I love my children, I couldn’t imagine anything worse than working with kids all day and then getting home to kids every day. They are hard work.

My latest career path has revolved around youth work and counselling. I’m not sure which path I want to take just yet but I’m eager to get started. I love helping people but my anxiety sometimes holds me back so I am a little worried if I’m being utterly and completely honest, I’m shitting my pants. What if this I yet another failed venture? this time I have a family relying on me, yes we have my partners wage but I want my independence back!!!

Where have I gone? I’m a complete and utter shell of myself. You see this is the taboo part of parenting the part no one speaks about. As if its something to be ashamed of or as if you’ve somehow failed because you need a pill to get you through the day. The fear of leaving the house, the mum guilt for not leaving the house. the constant comparison between you and Jess down the road who has everything pristine and her kids are in the newest fashion trends. They are always the mums at soft play centres and they still have the time to work, to look immaculate and post perfect selfies. Newsflash, people only show you what they want you to see. Everyone’s trying to be perfect but behind closed doors, they are sneaking in the bathroom to cry and stuff their face with their children’s chocolates. Which no doubt they will feel awful for later that day and cry some more into a bottle of wine.

Any mum or dad that tells you parenting is easy are full of shit. If they’ve had it easy up till now just wait till the terrible twos or the three-nager stage. Wait until your child isn’t having naps and wants to watch Peppa Pig on repeat every day or when they scream and drop to the floor in the supermarket because you won’t buy them every toy they pick up. Remember seeing those mums in the supermarket and thinking “my child will never behave like that” you are now that mother (or father).

Were all struggling through this crazy life but just remember to give yourself a break, your doing great. Were all just winging the fuck out of life. One shitty nappy at a time.